HETALIA DOES: Avenue Q
by deactivated111
Summary: A series of unrelated one-shots where the countries of world sing Avenue Q songs! Mostly pure humor, some yaoi, healthy dose of swearing later on.
1. Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

**Warning: If I owned HETALIA: AXIS POWERS, it would probably have some shitty name like HETALIA: FUCKING WATCH THIS SHIT, and be filled with smut. Be thankful I am merely a fan. **

**OKAY - before we start, I just want to introduce this story. This is the first in a series of HETALIA DOES:, and will be a chapter fic, with more songs from Avenue Q. HETALIA DOES:, will be a series of chapter fic's or one shots that follow the lines of this one, where the countries sing certain songs because of certain events. I tried to make it different then a song fic, where the countries are actually singing, instead of a story line based on the song. This installment of HETALIA DOES:, will feature songs from Avenue Q, and all songs from Avenue Q that I do will be in this story. Got it? **

**Welcome to this first installment of HETALIA DOES:, please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all time - actually, fuck it. Food and drinks are allowed, and you have my full authorization to tell all your Hetalia loving friends about this ride! (sameless self-promotion, AWAYYYY~)**

* * *

Another pointless world meeting was over, and once again nothing was solved. Yet something remained on America's mind, and had been bugging him throughout the whole meeting, causing him to remain unnaturally silent throughout the entire thing. Approaching China, he tapped the older nation on the shoulder. He had made sure all the nations had cleared out beforehand. They had all gone just outside into the courtyard to release some steam from the stressful meeting.

"Hey China, you got a minute?"

"I suppose so, aru."

"Great! I was wondering, you're China, and Japan's Japan."

"Yes…"

"You're both Asian."

"Right…" China couldn't help but wonder what the point in all this was.

"Are you two related?"

"What?! America, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist, aru!" Sure, China had cared for Japan when he was younger, but they weren't related. And they wouldn't be related just by being Asian! America, on the other hand, seemed shocked.

"Oh! Well, I'm sorry, I was just asking dude."

"It's a touchy subject aru! Not all Asians are related! What are you trying to say, that we all look the same?"

"No, no! I'm sorry dude, I guess it was a little bit racist." America hadn't wanted to offend the nation!

"I should say so! You need to be much more careful when you are talking about race!"

"Well look who's talking!" Somewhere in the background, music began to play faintly.

"What do you mean?"

"What about that time you held a meeting for all the Asian countries?"

"What of it, aru?"

"Well, could one of the western countries come?"

"No! We don't want immature western nations there!" At this, America burst out laughing.

"You see!" And then, the strangest thing happened, the music that was softly playing got louder, and America began to sing!

"_You're a little bit racist!" _China felt the odd urge to join in, and did, turning to face the other nation head on.

"_Well you're a little bit too!" _China sang, holding his arms out, the sleeves hanging off his hands.

_A: "I guess we're both a little bit racist…" _

_C: "Admitting it is not an easy thing to do…"_

_A: "But I guess it's true…"_

_C: "Between me and you, I think…" _

Now they both began to sing together. _"Everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing, hate crimes. Look around and you will find, no one's really colour blind, maybe it's a fact we all should face! Everyone makes judgements… based on race!" _Both nations were now linking arms and tilting their heads to the sky, before turning to face each other again, pushing away from each other before pulling back in.

"_No not big judgements like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from!" _America said.

"_No!" _ China clasped his arms together and shook his head.

"_No, just little judgements like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!" _America continued, beaming widely.

"_Right!" _China nodded his approval, and he was now beaming widely as well, thoroughly enjoying himself.

They both began singing together again. _"Everyone's a little bit racist, today. So everyone's a little bit racist, okay! Ethnic jokes might be uncouth, but ya laugh because they're based on truth, don't take them as personal attacks! Everyone enjoys them, so relax! _

"_Alright, stop me if you've heard this one." _America said, momentarily stopping singing.

"_Okay, aru!" _China said, also stopping singing for the moment.

"_Alright, there's a plane going down and there's only one parachute! There's a rabbi, a priest…" _America began.

"_And a black guy!" _China finished off, throwing his hands above his head, as did America. Suddenly, a wild Germany appeared!

"What did you say, China?" Germany grumbled, of all the countries, he would expect China to be more mature. The music seemed to have mysteriously stopped for the time being.

"Uhhhhh…" Poor China really couldn't think of what to say.

"You were telling a black joke!"

"Well sure Germany, but lots of people tell black jokes!" America decided to intervene, earning a glare from Germany and an appreciative look from China.

"I don't." How many times had he said, stereotypes were for brainless dumpkofs!

"Well of course YOU don't, you're strict! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?" America went on.

"Well of course I do, but have you _met_ Poland?"

"Now don't ya think THAT'S a little racist?" With this comment from America, the music started up again.

"Well damn! I guess you're right!" Germany said.

"_You're a little bit racist!"_ China began singing again, once again throwing his arms up, his sleeves flapping around.

Germany didn't know why, but he had the odd urge - much like China did before – to sing! So he did. _"Well you're a little bit too!" _

"_We're all a little bit racist…" _America sang.

"_I think that I would have to agree with you"_ Germany replied.

"_We're glad you do!" _China and America sang together again.

"_It's sad but true!" _ Germany sang, throwing up his arms in a 'what can you do?' pose. _"Everyone's a little bit racist, alright." _He continued.

"_Alright!" _China shouted out.

"_Alright!" _America stated.

"_Alright! Bigotry has never been exclusively white!" _Germany said, really getting into the song. Suddenly, America jumped on the table, pulling China up with him. They shared a look before yanking Germany up as well, who protested for a second before joining the two nations on top of the table. Then Germany, China and America began to sing together, linking arms and twirling on top of the table.

"_If we all could just admit, that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong! Maybe it would help us… get along!" _They sang together, before plunking down on the table, each sprawling out, lying down. Once again the far away music dimmed.

"Ah Christ do I feel good!" America stated, sighing contentedly. Even the two more mature countries had to agree with him.

"Now there was a fine, upstanding man." Germany said.

"Who?" America asked.

"Jesus Christ." Germany said.

"That is true, aru."

"He was always giving." Germany said, thinking of the many stories he had heard from Prussia as a child.

"Can't argue with something even I wasn't there for." China said.

"Wait, you were not there?" Germany didn't know why this came as a surprise, but somehow he had always pictured the Chinese nation as immortal. America didn't see this as a way to answer a lifelong question though; he saw this as a long, unneeded history lesson. Luckily, he had just the right thing to get their minds back on track.

"Guys, guys! Jesus was Jewish…" At this, all three nations burst out laughing hysterically. Someone FINALLY heard the commotion and walked in too see what was going on. That someone was England.

"Hey guys! What are you laughing about?" Britain wasn't even going to bother asking why they were lying on the table, he knew from experience that that never ended well.

"Racism!" Germany yelled out from his place lying on the table.

"Very well." Britain said simply, pulling up a chair and sitting down.

"Britain! Come back here, you take out recycleabers!" They heard Japan yell. Normally, the quiet nation would never yell, but he was faced with a mountain of collected trash and recyclable material, and he could never sort it out on his own. You'd be surprised – or maybe not - at how much food wrappers, soda bottles and beer bottles were consumed and used in one meeting. England had said he would help Japan, but he had been distracted by the maniacal laughter coming from the other meeting room.

"What's that mean?" America asked, not fully understanding Japan's accented English.

"Um, recyclables." England explained. The three nations on the table burst out laughing; each praying Japan didn't hear them.

"Hey, don't laugh at him, how many languages do you speak?" England said.

"Oh, come off it Britain." China said, smiling. Then he began to sing again. _"Everyone's a little bit racist…"_

"_I'm not!" _England said defiantly.

"Oh, no?" America asked.

"Nope!" Was England's quick retort.

"Ha!" Was all America said.

The music got louder again, and England began to sing! _"How many oriental friends have you got?" _

"_What?! Britain!" _They heard Japan yell, before the nation himself walked through the door, and took everything in at once. America, on the other hand, began to poke England's cheek, singing.

"_Britain buddy where you been? The term is Asian-American!" _Then, by far the strangest thing to happen that day, Japan started singing!

"_I know you are no intending to beeeee, but calling me orienter… Offensive to me!" _They were all surprised at Japans slightly feminine but very nice voice, and his ability to hold notes and hit high notes, although the really shouldn't have been. At this England stood up from his place sitting down, and this gave America the best position to yank the European nation on top of the table. Undeterred, England spoke to Japan.

"I'm sorry Japan, I didn't mean it!" Japan walked up to the table and swiftly jumped on top.

"I know you didn't." He said, flashing a slight smile.

"But you're racist too." England said.

"Yes, I know. _The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power! And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!" _Japan sang.

"Me too!" America agreed.

"Me too!" China nodded his agreement.

"I can't even get a taxi!" Germany said, causing the other nations to laugh. Then, they all began to sing together, linking arms and standing up.

"_Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true. But everyone is just about as racist, as you! If we all could just admit, that we are racist, a little bit, and everyone stop being so PC! Maybe we could live in…" _At this the rest of the countries walked in, attracted by the commotion, and came just in time to see Germany, America, England, Japan and China, holding hands and jumping into the air from a table while singing the last word of a song, _"Harmonyyyyy!" _ Hungary had already snapped about a hundred pictures, while everyone else just started dumbfound as the countries hit the table and collapsed, lying down in a fit of laughter. Grinning, China and Japan simultaneously stood up, and with their arms around each other's shoulders (which Hungary also got many photos of) they said, _"Everyone's a rittle bit lacist!" _

"Hey, America?" China asked, filled with the overwhelming urge to figure something out, which really had started this whole thing.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you start singing in the first place, aru?" America seemed to ponder it for a moment, before giving up and shrugging his shoulders.

"Just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Hey, dudes, up for ice cream?"

"Would you like fries with that?" Britain sarcastically retorted, not really by choice, but more out of habit then anything. Before America could respond, he shook his head, taking back his comment with a smile. For once they were able to have a calm, quiet (sort-of) conversation, and he wasn't about to ruin that. England looked around the room, and saw Japan and China talking like old friends, instead of the bitter enemy's you'd think they'd be. Germany was even talking with Austria and Switzerland, who had decided to put aside their differences to have a normal conversation. He watched Prussia walk over to the pair, and instead of the instant German argument he expected to break out, he was pleasantly surprised to find that all the albino nation did was ruffle the strict German's hair and fall into easy conversation with him, Austria and Switzerland. Deciding against breaking the peace of the moment, he smiled at America and agreed, before walking around to collect more people for their little excursion. He walked up to France, expecting the nation to insult him, hit him, or something along that line, but was pleasantly surprised when the man smiled, agreed, and joined him in his quest to recruit nations for their little break. Everyone seemed to be on the same train of thought as him, and they all agreed. Well look at that, looks like racism really did bring the world together. Well, the personification of the world, but close enough.

* * *

**So, how was it? I sure as hell hope it was good, because you'll be suffering MANY more of these. :D Please tell me how I did, just use that little box down bellow! Reviews are loved, even by an anti-social, almost hipster but not quite, perverted writer like me! **

**Much fucking love, Madame (who's not French... but wishes she was... _IN _France, that is) **


	2. Schadenfreude

**Second chapter, same warning.**

* * *

Austria aimlessly walked around, not quite sure what to do with himself. It was just one of _those _days. Those days that start out bad and only go down the shitter from there. He had been rudely awoken by a screaming Italy cutting across his lawn at two in the morning for god-knows-what. After trying and failing return to sleep, he had gotten out of bed at around five, and, clad only in his boxers with his usually perfectly styled hair a complete mess and his bangs falling over his eyes, he made his way downstairs to his kitchen. Where he was promptly met by Hungary, who, upon seeing him clad as he was, strangely, snapped about fifty pictures (with her ever present camera) before grabbing a dish cloth to stem her bleeding nose. He had tried to help her, but she only replied that she was fine before running off to again, god-knows-where. Spending a good thirty seconds trying to figure out what happened, he had just decided to screw it and find something to eat. This was the part where he had discovered they had no food.

So that's how, a few hours later, he had walked into the world meeting - sleepless and underfed. Of course that hadn't deterred _every. nation. possible. _from pissing him off. About three minutes into the meeting he had an immense headache, and was overwhelmed with the desire to murder everyone in the room slowly and painfully. With the chair he was sitting on. In fact he was having a lovely daydream about said murders when he felt something cold and icy slide down his back. Jumping in surprise, just barely stopping a very feminine squeak from moving past his lips, he successfully drew the attention of all the nations in the room to him. Ignoring that, he whipped around to find that the only person he had suspected, Prussia, smirking at his predicament.

And he had snapped. Granted, it probably wasn't the greatest thing to do, but he was tired and hungry and had ice down his back, which he figured was a great excuse in any situations for pulling out his riding crop and slapping the German nation right across the face. Prussia just stood there in shock, amazement and more than a little pain, and he had thoroughly enjoyed seeing that, and had stopped for a few seconds to admire the red line he had left, before politely excusing himself. Well, maybe not so politely, but that didn't matter.

He had simply gotten in a car (who cares whose it was? The dumbass shouldn't have left their keys in the ignition) and left. Of course he had fallen asleep at the wheel and, while dreaming, crashed into a tree. And kept sleeping. Of course he had been woken up by the officer who had decided to investigate the FUCKING FLAMING TREE. So now he was still tired, hungry, his back was wet, and he was two hundred seventy nine dollars poorer.

Oh, and remember that dream? Thanks to that LOVELY dream featuring him and Switzerland, he could now confidently question his sexuality. Yay! So now, here he was, a recently found out gay man walking the streets randomly checking out men. This was around the time he guessed he would be wondering what went wrong with his life, but the only question on his mind was where he could find a good pub or bar. No, Austria didn't usually drink, hating the feeling of losing his wits, but he thought the situation merited it. Turning the corner and finally spotting the sign of a pub, Austria made his way over. Silently slipping into the pub without making any noise, he sat down at the bar and waved the bartender over, and, too lazy to read the menu, ordered a simple beer. He was on his third one, his mood already lightening (funny how beer had that effect) when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He came face to face with Prussia (the red mark on his cheek had dulled down considerably but was still slightly noticeable). Prussia shook his head, shaking his finger in the Austrian nations face. Plucking himself in the bar stool next to Austria, he did the worst possible thing to do in this situation - he initiated a conversation.

"Never thought I'd see that day you start drinking Roddy." Roddy. Great, now they were on a real – name basis? Oh, and nicknames, god how he hated nicknames. And now, on top of that, he found himself checking out Prussia (Gilbert, he supposed). And he wasn't half bad. God, what had he come to? He bashed his head on the bar.

"Shitty day?" Prussia went on. And with that, and a few more drinks, Austria was ashamed to say that he found himself telling his whole story to Prussia. TO. PRUSSIA. PRUSSIA! He really had sunk low. After hearing his story (and laughing at parts, to which he was promptly slapped), Prussia seemed to contemplate what to do next. While he did this, Austria was contemplating whether he had gone insane. He had even told Prussia about his sexuality issues, his dream about Switzerland (In excruciating detail, although it was fun to watch the nation's face as he recounted it) and even about checking him out! You see, this is why he didn't drink. After all, it was only natural to order more drinks while he was telling his story, and now he could confidently say that both him and Pru…Gilbert were more than slightly drunk. Somehow, somewhere in the distance music began to play softly, and, for some reason (maybe because he was drunk) he began to SING.

"_Right now you are down and out, and feeling really crappy." _Gilbert sang, turning his bar stool to face Austria, putting both hands on his shoulders, effectively making him face him.

"_I'll say." _He replied.

"_And when I see how sad you are, it sort of makes me…" _this was where the music changed, and the tempo became more upbeat _"Happy!"_

"_Happy?!" _Had he heard Gilbert correctly? Was he THAT drunk?

"_Sorry Roddy human nature, nothin' I can do! That's Schadenfreude! Makin' me feel glad that I'm not you!" _Gilbert continued, laughing. Was this supposed to be cheering him up?

"_Well that's not very nice Gilbert…" _

"_I didn't say it was nice, but everybody does it! Did ya ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?" _Austria (Roderich by real name, Roddy to… Gil?) was ashamed to admit that he had.

"_Yeah." _

"_And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters, fallin' on their asses!" _Gilbert continued.

"_Sure!" _He was ashamed to admit, also, that he was getting into the song.

"_And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy, watchin' people out in the rain!"_

"_You bet!" _

_G: "That's, Schadenfreude, people takin' please in your pain!" _The music kept playing, but Roddy (god, was he thinking of himself with a nickname now? He must be really REALLY drunk) stopped singing momentarily to ask a question.

"Sha-den-froy-duh, is that part of your German dialect?"

"Yup! It's German for happiness at the misfortune of others!" Gilbert responded.

"Happiness at the misfortune of others," he mused out loud "that is German!" Gilbert just laughed. But then Austria decided to contribute his own idea's to the song, and began singing again.

"_Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken!" _He sang, causing Gilbert to laugh, and then sing himself.

"_Or watching a frat boy realize, just what he put his dick in!" _Trust Gilbert to come up with something like that, but it was admittedly funny, so Austria laughed. By this point they had gotten up and were walking around the bar. Please remember, he was drunk, and forgive accordingly.

"_Or being on an elevator, when somebody shouts 'Hold the door'!" _Austria sang, jumping off a bar stool. Prussia then joined him, yelling _"NO!" _together. Then Prussia began to sing, getting really close to some old lady, god knows what she was doing in a bar.

"_Schadenfreude, FUCK YOU lady, that's what stairs are for!" _The old lady swung at him with her purse, but he dodged and joined Roderich (he couldn't even think strait (ha, in more ways than one) enough to call himself one continuous name), slinging his arm around his shoulders. Austria did the same. The two burst out laughing, and he couldn't remember ever having this good of a time.

"_Ooh, how 'bout strait A students getting B's!" _He sang.

"_Ex's getting STD's!" _Prussia filled in.

_A: "Waking doormen from their naps!"_

_P: "Watching tourists reading maps!"_

_A: "Football players getting tackled!"_

_P:"CEO's getting shackled!" _

"_Watching actors never reach-" _Prussia then joined him "_the ending of their Oscar speech!" _With that they climbed on top of a table, only to be yanked off and thrown out of the bar. Undeterred, the men, sorry, _nations_, continued walking down the street, singing and throwing their hands up, much like Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker and the end of Rush Hour. They both began to sing together.

"_Schadenfreude, Schadenfreude, Schadenfreude, Schadenfreude…" _Was the song just repetitive, or were they too drunk to think of lyrics? Either way they sang, laughing and hooting in between each word. But then the music changed tempo, becoming softer, and Prussia/Gilbert/Gil stopped Austria/Roderich/Roddy, putting his hands on his shoulders again, and began singing.

"_The world needs people like you and me, who've been knocked around my fate! 'Cause when people see us, they don't wanna be us, and that makes them feel great!" _

"_Sure! We provide a vital service, to society!" _he sang. Then, they both began to sing together.

"_You and me, Schadenfreude! Makin' the world a better place, makin' the world a better place, makin' the world a better place, to be!" _They finished off by kicking down a trash can, and, in their drunken state, tripping over said trash can and landing in a heap on the street, earning odd looks from passerby. But he guessed two men lying on the ground together wasn't exactly normal ANYWHERE.

"_S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!" _Gilbert finished, yelling out the letters. While the two lay on the ground, the music came to a dramatic jazzy finish. He didn't know what to do know. Thanks to the WONDERFUL (please read with sarcasm) power of alcohol, he had made a total fool of himself, WITH PRUSSIA, no less, and he had enjoyed it. This is the part where we politely ask the readers to get their mind out of the gutter. As he and Prussia slowly helped each other get out, they fell about four times. When they were finally up, Prussia began to run, pulling him with him.

"Where are we going."

"To Swissy's house." He knew he shouldn't have told Prussia about the dream, and the whole 'I'm now gay' thing. Goody joy.

"Why?" He was definitely afraid of the answer. And I'll just leave it to your imagination what answer he got. I don't think it'll be too hard to figure out. And in case you're wondering, or for future reference, a drunk Austria is VERY easy to persuade, especially when Switzerland is involved.

* * *

**So, how was it? I just want to put it out there that I ship PRUAUS/PRUSSIA X AUSTRIA! This was written before they became my OTP (along with FrUK, SpaMano and DenNor)! So, to make myself feel better, I shall assume Prussia got in on the fun. Why? Because I'm the writer and the writer happens to like sexy yaoi threesomes, PROBLEM, FUCKERS?! **

**Much love, Pimpjamz... I mean Madame **


	3. It Sucks To Be Me

**SO, here's chapter 3~! And, as per request, the song this time is 'It Sucks To Be Me'! **

**Warning: If I owned Hetalia, would I be writing FANfiction? Nope, my shitty idea's would be in the actual show! **

* * *

Canada kicked a rock at his feet, head hung low, sighing. The cause of his unhappiness should have occurred weeks ago, but it was only yesterday that people realized he wasn't there. _There _being an old apartment complex in New York, America.

The root cause of his unhappiness was really America's boss. He had decided that the bickering of the personified nations needed to stop, and frankly, Canada couldn't agree more. He had tons of time to observe the other countries at world meetings, and he realized years ago that these supposed 'word meetings' were a joke. Just a distraction so their bosses could get the real work done without them in the way.

But he definitely didn't agree with the solution America's boss presented.

He had decided that the easiest way for the countries to get over their differences was to live together, as normal humans, in one apartment. _Together. _Canada didn't think he could stand the constant fighting, so he just didn't show up. And no one noticed… until yesterday. America, his 'brother', had finally realized he wasn't there. And instead of realizing that Canada had been counting on being forgotten, he had told everyone that he was missing. So now, thanks to America, he was on his way to Avenue Q.

Music started up faintly in the background, and at first, Canada welcomed it. But then it seemed too empty, like it was missing something, so he began to sing, it's not like there was anyone around to hear him.

"_What do you do, as an unimportant country? What does my life really mean? Years of living, and plenty of knowledge, have earned me this useless existence. They don't know my name yet, I can't talk to them yet, because the world is a big scary place! But somehow I can't shake, the feeling I might make, a difference, to the human race!"_

* * *

Meanwhile, at the same time and only a few minutes away, music had started up in the kitchen of an apartment on Avenue Q.

"Morning 'Merica." Hungary said, walking up to pop a waffle in the toaster. America was reading the newspaper, desperately trying to be a part of his country while he was locked away as a normal human.

"Hi, Hungary."

"How's life?" She tried to make conversation.

"Disappointing!" Hungary was surprised at the answer that came out of the usually bubbly American's mouth. Sitting down across from him at the table, she looked at him.

"What's the matter?"

"The restaurant laid me off." While they were living together, they were each required to get and maintain a regular job, and America had been having trouble. This time, he was fired because he was eating the food.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Me too! I mean look at me, I'm hundreds of years old, and I always thought-" Here he cut himself off, abruptly going back to his newspaper.

"What?" Now she was curious, and she wasn't going to let America leave her hanging!

"No, it sounds stupid."

"Aww, come on!" Suddenly, the soft background music got louder, and America, knowing exactly what that meant, began to sing.

"_Since a while I go, I wanted to be…" _

"What?" Hungary asked, hoping that America would get the hint and _stop singing. _But he didn't, and answered in song.

"_A big comedian on late night T.V. But now I'm here, and as you can see, I'm not." _

"Nope." Her answer was quick, still slightly annoyed at the singing. But she also found that she liked it, slightly.

A: _"Oh well, it sucks to be me." _

H: "Noooo."

A: _"It sucks to be me." _

H: "No!"

A: _"It sucks to be broke and unemployed and still looking twenty three! It sucks to be me!" _

"I you think your life sucks?" Hungary asked.

"I think so." America replied dejectedly, taking a small break from singing.

"Your problems aren't so bad!" He was a country after all, and this was only temporary! Hungary, noticing America had stopped singing, decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, and started to sing herself! _"I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart." _

"You are!" America supplied, causing Hungary to smile.

"Thanks!" She replied, before returning to her singing. _"I like romantic things like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart! So why, don't I have a boyfriend?! FUCK! It sucks to be me!" _America seemed surprised at her use of 'Fuck' but took it in stride, smiling.

"Me too!"

"_It sucks to be me."_

This time America resumed his singing. _"It sucks to be me. It sucks to be America…"_

"_And Hungary." _

"_To not have a job!"_

"_To not have a date!" _

Now, they both began to sing together. _"It sucks to be me!" _ Before they could continue with their song, they were interrupted by bickering. And it there was bickering this early in the morning; it could only be two people. Sure enough, the voices of France and England drifted in the room, steadily getting louder, to the point where their argument could be made out.

"Fucking frog!"

"I will come home when I want to, _Angelterre_!"

"Well don't wake me up! Be back by nine!"

"I just said… Ugh! You're not my mother, Arthur!" That was the funny thing about them. They said they hated each other, but when it came down to it, they were the only people who were allowed to call each other by their human names. Yet somehow, despite all this supposed hate, they were placed in an apartment together.

America, sensing the argument would get physical soon, decided to intervene. "Hey France, England, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?

"Ah, certainly." England answered for them (that was another thing- they subconsciously made each other's decisions).

"Who's life sucks more, America's or mine?" Hungary chimed in.

"Ours!" The Brit and the Frenchman responded in unison. And maybe it was the music that was still prominent in the background, or the memory of last time, but England began to sing!

E: "_We live together…" _

F:_ "We're close as people can get." _France filled in, also singing.

E:_ "We've been the worst of enemy's…" _

F:_ "Ever since the day we met!" _

E:_ "So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset! Oh, every day is an aggravation…" _

F: "_Come on that's an exaggeration!" _

This comment by France only seemed to fuel England more, driving him to sing about exactly _what _France did to drive him insane. _"You leave your clothes up, you put your feet on my chair!" _France pulled an amused face at this.

"_Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear!" _America and Hungary laughed at this, while England turned red.

"_You make that very small apartment we share, a hell." _England sang.

"_So do you, that's why I'm, in hell too!" _France replied.

"_It sucks to be me!"_

"_Non, it sucks to be me!" _

Hungary decided to rejoin the song, possibly to cut England and France's argument short, possibly because once she started, she realized she quite enjoyed the singing. _"It sucks to be me!"_

America rejoined with a simple: _"It sucks to be me!" _Then, they began to sing together, by this time all gathered round the circle table in the middle of the kitchen. _"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!" _they sang together.

"_Da da da da da…" _Hungary sang in her sweet voice.

"_Da da da da da…" _America joined in.

"_Da da da da da!" _France and England sang together, like most things they did.

"_Da da da da da, da da da da da, da da da da da!" _They all sang together. Japan walked in, most likely woken up by the noise. Wordlessly, he walked over to the toaster, and, taking water from the sink, extinguished the fire. America and Hungary exchanged glances, having completely forgotten the waffles. Steam immediately rose in wisps from the toaster as the water made contact with the flaming metal. Once the fire was extinguished, Japan grabbed the oven mitts, yanked the toaster out of the plug, and threw it in the trash. For a lack of anything better to do, the other four personified countries had continued their round of 'Da da da da da's. Once he was done, Japan turned to them and asked.

"Why you all so happy?"

"Because our lives SUCK." France chimed in, raising a laugh from the countries. Japan raised an eyebrow.

"Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? Ha!" Then something happened which, no matter how many times it would happen, would always come as a shock. Japan began to sing! _"I coming to this program, for opportunities! Tried to work in Korean deli, but I am Japanese! But with hard work I earn two Masters degrees, in social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients, and I have an unemployed fiancé, and we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-suck! It suck to be me!" _Japan shook his head with each 'suck', hands clenched.

They all thought about this for a moment. It was true, Japan had been engaged to America for a year now, and since the plan to stick them all together in a building had been announced, he had decided to get an American education to be able to live with America, in the off chance that this plan of their bosses held out for years. And with the way they fought, it very well could. A knock at the door prevented further musings.

When Japan opened the door, a shy voice poked into the room: "Excuse me?"

"Who're you?" Japan didn't phrase the question rudely, just bluntly.

"I'm Canada. I'm here for the program."

"Why did you come so late?" Japan's voice was distant, and back to normal.

"Well, I didn't think the program would work, so I didn't show up at first. But then my boss made me come, he said it would be a good way for me to interact with the other countries. Is it okay if I stay here?"

America piped up, happy at having his brother staying with him, and trying to fight off the creeping forgetfulness he knew would come soon. He needed to milk this moment of knowing who Canada was for all it was worth.

"Sure, but you'll have to talk to the superintendent, let me get him."

"Great thanks!" Canada was incredibly surprised. All the countries in the room were paying attention to him. He knew it wouldn't last, but for now, he was grateful. Was, that is, until America's booming voice called out: "Yo! Prussia!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'!" They heard a distant yell as Canada's eyes widened.

"Oh my god, it's Prussia!" They hadn't seen or heard from him in quite a while, and the only people who seemed to know where Prussia was were Spain, France, Germany and Austria. But here he was, walking into the kitchen in all his albino glory.

"Yes I am!" And then, to everyone's sheer AMAZEMENT, Prussia began to sing! _"I'm the awesome Prussia, from history's greatest wars. I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes! But I'm here – the superintendent- of Avenue Q…" _Everyone looked around, glancing at each other in turn, before singing together: _"It sucks to be you!" _Everyone seemed to agree that Prussia had it bad, much worse than them, the country he represented having been dissolved.

"You win!" Hungary said, the other's following her by singing: _"It sucks to be you!"_

America followed her example, saying: "I feel better now!"

Prussia looked at them, singing: _"Try having people stopping you to tell you 'I feel so bad for you!'. _It gets old." Prussia punctuated the last sentence by slamming the fridge door harshly, after pulling out a beer.

After laughing, they all joined hands, and, spinning around the table, began to sing together. _"It sucks to be you-ou-ou, on Avenue Q. Sucks to be me, on Avenue Q. Sucks to be you, on Avenue Q. Sucks to be us, but not when we're together! We're together, here on Avenue Q. We live on Avenue Q, our friends do to! 'Till our dreams come true! We live on Avenue Q." _

Their voices softened at the last sentence, and Canada interjected: _"This is real life!" _

The other's replied with a sung: _"We live on Avenue Q." _

"_You're gonna love it!" _France said, followed by a chorus of: _"We live on Avenue Q." _

"_Here's your keys!" _Prussia threw a set of keys at Canada, who lunged to catch them but missed, and, after fumbling for a few seconds, simply let them drop to the ground and made to pick them up, trying to play it off like he meant to do that. The other's merely smiled and said in unison: _"Welcome! To Avenue, Q!" _They all collapsed in the chairs, either laughing or smiling. Canada stood politely at the door, before Prussia waved him off, telling him to go down the hall to America's room. Canada quickly scampered away, after all, this was _the _Prussia. You didn't fuck with Prussia.

Almost the second Canada left, Austria entered the kitchen, wearing only boxers and one of Prussia's old t-shirts. This, needless to say, shocked everyone but Prussia. Austria took one look around the kitchen and sighed.

"What the _fuck _did you _arschloch__'_s do with the toaster?" Austria bit out, noticing the steam coming from the trash can. Again, everyone in the room sans Prussia was shocked speechless, not used to this kind of behavior from the aristocratic country. While they all stared at each other, Prussia calmly got up, kissed the man on the cheek, and wordlessly handed him his beer. Austria grumbled something about coffee and left the room, already drowning the bottle.

"What the _bloody hell _just happened?!" England yelled. Prussia merely shrugged his shoulders.

"The little master's not a morning person."

"But... but beer!" America eloquently asked.

"He's still a German, when you think about it." Prussia smirked, enjoying the countries shocked faces. This little program of America's boss was going to give the countries a wonderful opportunity to learn about each other.

* * *

**So? How was it? And I couldn't help it, I had to sneak in a little bit of morning-Austria. Every since the headcannon of Austria being a pissy morning person popped into my head I fell in love! Anyways, that was that chapter, and it needs love! Review it, please my darlings! **

**Much loathing, Madame ~ ;) **

**Also, I think I might make a full length fic with this idea ~ :D I like it, and it presents too many _sexual tension_ options! So yeah, be on the lookout for that! **

**Sarcastic bitch, out! **

**OH! WAIT! I almost forgot to do review answer~! **

**OwOTunaFishAndPineapplezzOwO - Thank you so much! This means such an immeasurable amount to me! And I would be lying if I said I didn't sing it in their voices while writing it ;) Everyone's A Little Bit Racist is one of my faves too! And here it is, just for you, It Sucks To Be Me! I'm really glad I made you laugh, because that (and because I love it) is why I write~! Thank you so much for reviewing, and I really hope you liked this chapter!  
**

**Now, Madame out, for realz y'all! **


End file.
